The Listening Process. Question 3

Out of the concepts for this week I found the ‘listening process’ to be most interesting to me. It reminded me that listening is like a step-wise process you cannot do out of order. The listening process consists of: being mindful, physically receiving messages, selecting and organizing information, interpreting communication, responding, and most importantly remembering. To be mindful is the first step in the process, being fully aware and in the moment. This involves not doing certain things while in conversation; being attentive and respectful to the speaker. To physically receive messages is the process of the sound waves hitting our eardrum so we are conscious of the noise itself; people who are deaf and cannot utilize this, therefore they do so via lip reading and sign language. Selecting and organizing information is when we take bits and pieces of what’s being said and rank them based on their importance and relevance to us. Interpreting communication is the fourth step, and the most important when it comes to successful communication; this is because we need to make an effort to fully comprehend what they are trying to get across. Responding involves making gestures that imply you are paying attention and showing you’re following along. Lastly is remembering, which is the process of retention; good listeners retain the important chunks in comparison to the little details.

Listening--A 10 Part Skill.

When reading Listening is a 10 Part Skill, I was immediately drawn to the quote, “there is no such thing as an uninteresting subject; there are only uninterested people” (Listening is a 10 Part Skill, 4). This made me realize that whether you’re interested or not, there is always room to learn, to grow and to see different perspectives. Not many people would agree with this statement, but it would certainly be beneficial to agree with simply because it’s critical to never stop learning; we should always listen efficiently and want to learn more—“find an area of interest.” Another interesting point was to “judge content, not delivery.” This is true in a sense that a listener may judge a speaker either because they, A. do not like them in some way or B., find them incompetent. However, we should not critic them based on who they are or how they speak but instead, give the speaker a fair chance and listen to what they have to say. People judge a book by its cover far too often, making listening harder rather than being open-minded and trying to learn from someone. An additional tip I read was to grasp the main idea of the speaker and not focus on the individual facts; for this can lead us astray and cause us to memorize things rather than get the gist. I am a victim of this because I am an over-thinker, speak out of turn and tend to want to know every detail, as compared to the idea as a whole. Being flexible and willing to adapt is another important listening skill; if we are always a one-way type of listener, we cannot learn new tricks—we have to be willing to make a change and work on listening. One last thing I agreed with, because I have experienced it for myself, would be how the audience reacts. It’s true that when the listener is attentive or looks the part, the speaker feels more comfortable and can articulate better; this allows what’s coming out of the speaker’s mouth to be clearer and offer improved communication with his or her audience.

Mindful Listening. Week of 9/24-30 Question #1

Listening is an important trait we either posses at a young age or learn overtime. For example, when I was young, I typically asked a lot of questions and paid less attention when a parent or teacher was talking. When comparing my listening skills to today, I am more of an active listener (when I want to be :-P), which allows me to hear my peers, parents, or professors instead of chiming in at inappropriate times; this gives me the opportunity to learn and develop patience. When it comes to the six types of non-listening and determining which one of them portrays me most, I would have to say I am a pseudo-listener and a selective listener. I am guilty of using a laptop in class to take notes, but every so often find myself preoccupied by Facebook or my Yahoo account, whoops! But just like the book states, “we engage in pseudo-listening when we want to appear conscientious”…or when we want “to appear to be attentive” but our brains are elsewhere (Woods 153). I believe I am a victim to this because in some instances I feel like I either know the material being covered or I have heard it before; but this certainly does not give me the right to not pay attention—it is rude and selfish. I have definitely learned from this before when receiving a bad grade because I thought I knew it all. It is only 75 minutes of giving a professor your undivided attention, and I am going to work on that by turning off my WI-Fi in class and only having my word document open. I am also a selective listener when hearing customers talk at work or when people have advice and I see it as boring or irrelevant. I think it is also a habit when I do not want to hear the truth; this occurs when I engage in conversation regarding school, jobs or my future with my parents. I tend to want to shut them out when I think they are wrong, or when they get on a touchy subject I know I need to work on. I plan on fixing this by listening fully and having an active and open mind; I want to learn as much information I can and gain advice from my peers and parents instead of shutting them down; therefore, the only way to do so is to be quiet and be attentive.

Own Up.

The section I appreciated and related to most was learning how to "own your own feelings and thoughts." I am a victim of using “you” language often, putting most the pressure on the other person if and when in an argument. Reflecting on this week and making an effort to only rely on “I” language when a conflict came up, made a huge difference in my relationships. I personally have a great relationship with my mother; but when it comes to certain things we both don’t agree on, I often find us arguing. I put this to the test by changing how I voiced my own opinions despite the way my mom approached me in a situation. Realizing that it’s how we interpret what others say that creates ruckus or not, made me value this section.  Whether we feel an issue is our fault or not, at the end of the day we are the ones in full control; we are responsible for our own feelings and by getting defensive in conversation it can lead to a whole new dispute. I recognized that the problem with me and my mom is that we both use “you” language, and this combined is a nightmare. By making small adjustments with the way I spoke, despite her opinions, allowed us to not get into a blown up disagreement.

It did feel a bit awkward to use at first, but knowing it can help my relationship with one of the people I appreciate most in my life, makes it all worth it. It also taught me that with anyone it can turn a discrepancy around; not just with family or friends. I found that as I became more comfortable using it, and as I use it more, it can be very beneficial for many reasons. The first being that people will not get so defensive and rally back. It allows you to open up to a person and voice your genuine opinion.  Finally, it allows us to own what we say and take responsibility for us; it allows us to not let others control our emotions.

hate.speech.

Hate speech is a term intended to discredit, threaten, or project verbal violence on a particular race, gender, religion, sexual orientation and is even anti-Semitic (Carm.org/hate-speech). However, there are limits to these freedoms if they are libel or have fighting words (spectacle.org). I believe most people who engage in hate speech are those predisposed at a young age, or have learned to be prejudiced overtime and cannot appreciate others differences; however, not all people who have racist family members or friends have the hate speech nature—it all just depends on the circumstances I guess. I feel like there are not enough efforts to ban hate speech on the web, and there should definitely be more efforts to do so. As far as the web goes, I feel as if there are more preventative ways to monitor hate speech as compared to off the web; and we should take full advantage of this. By monitoring it on the web or even on T.V. to start with, I believe it would go a long way. By taking this simple approach, it could prevent a lot of unhappiness in our society. Yet, the people getting hurt should learn not to dwell and take pride in who they are, disregarding others negativity. Just as our book states we are the only ones who can “own our own feelings and thoughts.” We create our own happiness—and if that is not the case, people need to learn how. I do not think by censoring it in any way would take away our rights or violate our constitutional right to freedom of speech. I simply think we just need to monitor it and be less subjective.

Colors of the Rainbow

According to the old metaphor used to describe the American society--“a melting pot,” I could see why many people years ago would consider this metaphor as having a positive connotation; but after sitting back and thinking about it, I do agree with society’s opinion today in that it creates no individuality and blends us all into one.  Yet, we are all unique and although we are considered united as a nation and have many of the same incentives like wanting the best for our country, we need to take a step back and realize that maybe the old term we once used need to be refined. According to Reverend Jesse Jackson, and the use of his two metaphors, I would say it was hard to come to a decision and mine may be overturned in many ways, but I thought about it like this. We are all united and at the end of the day come together as a nation—therefore, I feel like the quilt as well as the rainbow can both be accurate depictions of the two terms used. The quilt because all sides of a quilt are connected to make a whole blanket just as our country; and a rainbow is a great representative as well knowing all the colors are also connected side by side in some way. However, the difference in determining which was the better metaphor came from the idea that a quilt typically has the same size quilt pieces that connect each side, which in turn give no individuality, versus the rainbow which has all different colors that are still somewhat connected; this is why I feel  like a rainbow portrays our American society as a whole much better than a quilt. 

Amanda :)